Sept 11th

 September 11th has another meaning for my family now.  It is the day we lost Freddie.

I grew up with cats and have never been much of a dog person, but Jeremy talked me getting into an adorable boxer puppy and so began our pre-parenthood training.  I had so much fun raising him...until he grew too big for me to control and my responsibilities grew with each little boy that entered into our family.  I still liked Freddie, but my perspective changed.  I began to only see the bills for dog food, vet care, and heartworm medication.  I got tired of picking up poop in the backyard so Jeremy could mow or cleaning it out of my boys shoes.  I got tired of cleaning up muddy footprints, slobber on the window, accidents on the floor.  He had bad breath, bad gas, and was a burden when we were going to be gone overnight.  The common phrase at our house was "Go lay down, Freddie!"

And then on the 11th he had a seizure that took his life.  Jeremy and I were right there with him, and frankly did not expect it to happen since he'd had seizures in the past which he recovered from quickly.  I became focused on doing what needed to be done and comforting my boys who had never known life without their dog.  The next day I created a slideshow for the family with all the pics of Freddie over the years. It was easy because they are all still on the computer :)  Seeing scenes from the past 10 years and watching my boys grow up with their dog touched me.  We buried him that evening.  Something happened to me that next morning as I finally began to feel the loss and realize that even though I had all these complaints, I missed him.  The house seems so much more lonely when I'm here by myself.  When I open the garage door I still expect to see him stand up, shake, and run out to greet me.  I scanned the Classifieds just to see if any boxer pups were for sale.  I'm even hesitant about cleaning the last of the slobber marks off the window because it's one of the last remaining traces of him (or maybe I'm just too lazy to clean it and that's a good excuse!) 

Freddie may have been a pain to take care of at times, but he was mine.  It was a reminder for me to think about all the people/pets/circumstances in our lives that we complain about, and stop to be thankful that we have them at all. 

Jacob



Isaac



Brady



A War Between Confidence and Doubt

The title of this post came from a song lyric, but it's one I can relate to.  A war between confidence and doubt...a war I've been in for too long.  I've filled my head with the truth and I know who I am and whose I am, but allowing that to take root in my heart and live it out takes time.  At times I get inspired and really excited at how God could use me to make a difference, and then the doubt sets in.  Do I really have anything to say worthwhile?  Do I have anything to offer?  Someone else could certainly do it better.  I take my eyes off of "Christ in me" and start looking at just me with all my insecurities and weaknesses.  That's one reason my blogging has become infrequent recently.  I think too much about how something might be perceived and eventually talk myself out of writing it!  Even now that Backspace button looks appealing :)  However, this blog is one thing I have received positive feedback on, and I don't want to be guilty of neglecting or failing to develop something that may have been given to me as a gift.  My plan is to post something each Monday, whether I feel like it or not.  I'm making no promises as to the content other than it will be me.

I had a cool "God Moment" this morning.  I was reading 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young.   Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."  I thought that sounded like a great mission statement for me and decided to not only put it on an index card with the intent of memorizing it, but to actually do it.  Then I continued on with my morning routine and got on the treadmill with my iPod, ready to listen to the latest podcast by Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church (who by the way is an amazing preacher and the sermons can be downloaded for free from iTunes).  He finished his message and had a teen come out to talk for a minute.  The verse that was shared?  1 Timothy 4:12.  I love when God confirms something in that way.

Here's the song that I referenced earlier.  May you all have a blessed week!

A Few Good Reads

If you have followed my blog very long, you know that there are two things I love to write about...books and music.  Today is no exception.  Lately I have been drawn to biographies about real people, with real problems, that have encounters with a very real God.  I have been so blessed the past 11 years that having faith has been easy.  But I want to know what faith looks like when things are falling apart.  (And I'm quite content to learn that from other people rather than from my own experience for now!)

This first book is about two missionaries who were given a great love for the people of Afghanistan.  They left the comforts of home to live among the people, serve the poor, and offer the hope of Jesus to anyone who sought it.  The sharing of their faith led to imprisonment, which became even more complicated since it occurred during 2001 when the terrorist attacks on America and the war began. 

I decided to read this next book because I've heard it referenced many times by other authors, and I was not disappointed.  It tells the story of Corrie Ten Boom, who lived in Holland during the time of occupation by Nazi Germany.  Corrie's family was part of the underground movement to protect the Jews, and they ended up imprisoned in very bad conditions.  But the faith of Corrie and her sister Betsie are very moving.  Here are women who put the safety of others above their own, truly prayed for their persecutors, shared God's Word and love with those around them, and saw some mighty works of God as a result.  The whole time I was reading I thought "this should be a movie"...and I just checked...it is!  So I've got it reserved at the library and plan on sharing it with my husband soon :)

These two stories have shown me a few things about faith during hardship.  First, when people are suffering they hunger for God's Word...for hope.  I often take for granted how accessible the Bible is.  For them it was a precious treasure that sustained them.  I was also amazed by how many miracles these people experienced, things the world might say were "coincidence".  But when you stack so many "coincidences" together, God's presence is so very clear.  It was through the trials and the hardship that their faith and ministry grew. 

Just last week I stumbled across this song that fit with the things I've read and have been thinking about.  May it be an encouragement to those who are going through a hardship now.  I pray you find Jesus in the midst of it.

Remembering Janie

Ecclesiastes 7:2-4  "It is better to spend your time at funerals than at festivals.  For YOU are going to die, and you should think about it while there is still time.  Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.  A wise person thinks much about death,while the fool thinks only about having a good time now." (NLT)



Janie was someone who said what needed to be said.  I only knew her through our church family at New Hope, yet she had a profound impact on my understanding of what it means to be a godly woman.  Janie would greet me with a smile and a hug, express her appreciation for the smallest acts of kindness, and make me feel special.  She was a woman who clearly put the needs of others above her own.  You never quite know what someone is made of until the storms of life hit.  During her battle with cancer, Janie proved that her faith was genuine.  She shared in His sufferings so that she may also share in His glory, and has been an example to many as to how to fight the good fight, finish the race strong, and keep the faith.  I am glad her suffering is over.  And I look forward to seeing her smiling face again when I enter the gates of heaven.

The Missing Ingredient

I love baking molasses cookies.  They taste good, stay soft, and come out looking perfect every time....except today.  I made a double batch because I'm planning to take them to Emmaus Send-Off tonight.  I took the first sheet out of the oven and it didn't seem right.  Same with the second.  I'm trying to figure out what could be wrong.  Am I not baking them long enough?  Did I switch brands of an ingredient?  Is my cookie sheet not doing what it is supposed to?  It wasn't until the third pan came out that I realized I might have made a mistake!  That's pride for ya :)  Sure enough, I looked at the recipe and realized I had left out the baking soda.  I was able to add some in and improve the other cookies (thankfully they both taste good).  So in case you are wondering what role baking soda plays, check out the picture below.  A teaspoon of powder makes a big difference!

The Movie of Life

From Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love:

"Suppose you are an extra in an upcoming movie.  You will probably scrutinize that one scene where hundreds of people are milling around, just waiting for that two-fifths of a second when you can see the back of your head.  Maybe your mom and your closest friend get excited about that two-fifths of a second with you...maybe.  But no one else will realize it is you.  Even if you tell them, they won't care.

Let's take it a step further.  What if you rent out the theater opening night and invite all your friends and family to come see the new movie about you?  People will say, "You're an idiot!  How could you think this movie is about you?"

Many Christians are even more delusional than the person I've been describing.  So many of us think and live like the movie of life is all about us." p.42-43

My Valentine

Happy Valentines Day!  For some of you this may be a great day, having an excuse to express your love to your spouse or significant other.  For others it may be a day of disappointment or sadness. 

For those who have a spouse already in heaven I wanted to share with you a comment I recently read by Beth Moore..."What comfort to know that not only did God fashion us in our mothers' wombs, but He also knows the exact moment our hearts cease to beat.  God's desire to have us with Him will finally eclipse His desire to have us on earth, and He will take us to glory." 

If Valentines Day is a day to give and receive love, I can think of no better Valentine to have than Jesus.  God has created us, chosen us, loved us, revealed Himself to us, redeemed us, forgiven us, guided us, strenghthened us, and blessed us beyond measure.  And he gives some of us spouses to love here on earth, who we all too often take for granted.  While today I hope to let my husband know just how special he is to me, I want to turn my focus for just a moment to the One who loves me, and you,  perfectly and completely.