A War Between Confidence and Doubt

The title of this post came from a song lyric, but it's one I can relate to.  A war between confidence and doubt...a war I've been in for too long.  I've filled my head with the truth and I know who I am and whose I am, but allowing that to take root in my heart and live it out takes time.  At times I get inspired and really excited at how God could use me to make a difference, and then the doubt sets in.  Do I really have anything to say worthwhile?  Do I have anything to offer?  Someone else could certainly do it better.  I take my eyes off of "Christ in me" and start looking at just me with all my insecurities and weaknesses.  That's one reason my blogging has become infrequent recently.  I think too much about how something might be perceived and eventually talk myself out of writing it!  Even now that Backspace button looks appealing :)  However, this blog is one thing I have received positive feedback on, and I don't want to be guilty of neglecting or failing to develop something that may have been given to me as a gift.  My plan is to post something each Monday, whether I feel like it or not.  I'm making no promises as to the content other than it will be me.

I had a cool "God Moment" this morning.  I was reading 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young.   Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."  I thought that sounded like a great mission statement for me and decided to not only put it on an index card with the intent of memorizing it, but to actually do it.  Then I continued on with my morning routine and got on the treadmill with my iPod, ready to listen to the latest podcast by Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church (who by the way is an amazing preacher and the sermons can be downloaded for free from iTunes).  He finished his message and had a teen come out to talk for a minute.  The verse that was shared?  1 Timothy 4:12.  I love when God confirms something in that way.

Here's the song that I referenced earlier.  May you all have a blessed week!

A Few Good Reads

If you have followed my blog very long, you know that there are two things I love to write about...books and music.  Today is no exception.  Lately I have been drawn to biographies about real people, with real problems, that have encounters with a very real God.  I have been so blessed the past 11 years that having faith has been easy.  But I want to know what faith looks like when things are falling apart.  (And I'm quite content to learn that from other people rather than from my own experience for now!)

This first book is about two missionaries who were given a great love for the people of Afghanistan.  They left the comforts of home to live among the people, serve the poor, and offer the hope of Jesus to anyone who sought it.  The sharing of their faith led to imprisonment, which became even more complicated since it occurred during 2001 when the terrorist attacks on America and the war began. 

I decided to read this next book because I've heard it referenced many times by other authors, and I was not disappointed.  It tells the story of Corrie Ten Boom, who lived in Holland during the time of occupation by Nazi Germany.  Corrie's family was part of the underground movement to protect the Jews, and they ended up imprisoned in very bad conditions.  But the faith of Corrie and her sister Betsie are very moving.  Here are women who put the safety of others above their own, truly prayed for their persecutors, shared God's Word and love with those around them, and saw some mighty works of God as a result.  The whole time I was reading I thought "this should be a movie"...and I just checked...it is!  So I've got it reserved at the library and plan on sharing it with my husband soon :)

These two stories have shown me a few things about faith during hardship.  First, when people are suffering they hunger for God's Word...for hope.  I often take for granted how accessible the Bible is.  For them it was a precious treasure that sustained them.  I was also amazed by how many miracles these people experienced, things the world might say were "coincidence".  But when you stack so many "coincidences" together, God's presence is so very clear.  It was through the trials and the hardship that their faith and ministry grew. 

Just last week I stumbled across this song that fit with the things I've read and have been thinking about.  May it be an encouragement to those who are going through a hardship now.  I pray you find Jesus in the midst of it.

Remembering Janie

Ecclesiastes 7:2-4  "It is better to spend your time at funerals than at festivals.  For YOU are going to die, and you should think about it while there is still time.  Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.  A wise person thinks much about death,while the fool thinks only about having a good time now." (NLT)



Janie was someone who said what needed to be said.  I only knew her through our church family at New Hope, yet she had a profound impact on my understanding of what it means to be a godly woman.  Janie would greet me with a smile and a hug, express her appreciation for the smallest acts of kindness, and make me feel special.  She was a woman who clearly put the needs of others above her own.  You never quite know what someone is made of until the storms of life hit.  During her battle with cancer, Janie proved that her faith was genuine.  She shared in His sufferings so that she may also share in His glory, and has been an example to many as to how to fight the good fight, finish the race strong, and keep the faith.  I am glad her suffering is over.  And I look forward to seeing her smiling face again when I enter the gates of heaven.

The Missing Ingredient

I love baking molasses cookies.  They taste good, stay soft, and come out looking perfect every time....except today.  I made a double batch because I'm planning to take them to Emmaus Send-Off tonight.  I took the first sheet out of the oven and it didn't seem right.  Same with the second.  I'm trying to figure out what could be wrong.  Am I not baking them long enough?  Did I switch brands of an ingredient?  Is my cookie sheet not doing what it is supposed to?  It wasn't until the third pan came out that I realized I might have made a mistake!  That's pride for ya :)  Sure enough, I looked at the recipe and realized I had left out the baking soda.  I was able to add some in and improve the other cookies (thankfully they both taste good).  So in case you are wondering what role baking soda plays, check out the picture below.  A teaspoon of powder makes a big difference!

The Movie of Life

From Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love:

"Suppose you are an extra in an upcoming movie.  You will probably scrutinize that one scene where hundreds of people are milling around, just waiting for that two-fifths of a second when you can see the back of your head.  Maybe your mom and your closest friend get excited about that two-fifths of a second with you...maybe.  But no one else will realize it is you.  Even if you tell them, they won't care.

Let's take it a step further.  What if you rent out the theater opening night and invite all your friends and family to come see the new movie about you?  People will say, "You're an idiot!  How could you think this movie is about you?"

Many Christians are even more delusional than the person I've been describing.  So many of us think and live like the movie of life is all about us." p.42-43

My Valentine

Happy Valentines Day!  For some of you this may be a great day, having an excuse to express your love to your spouse or significant other.  For others it may be a day of disappointment or sadness. 

For those who have a spouse already in heaven I wanted to share with you a comment I recently read by Beth Moore..."What comfort to know that not only did God fashion us in our mothers' wombs, but He also knows the exact moment our hearts cease to beat.  God's desire to have us with Him will finally eclipse His desire to have us on earth, and He will take us to glory." 

If Valentines Day is a day to give and receive love, I can think of no better Valentine to have than Jesus.  God has created us, chosen us, loved us, revealed Himself to us, redeemed us, forgiven us, guided us, strenghthened us, and blessed us beyond measure.  And he gives some of us spouses to love here on earth, who we all too often take for granted.  While today I hope to let my husband know just how special he is to me, I want to turn my focus for just a moment to the One who loves me, and you,  perfectly and completely.

And They Keep Growing Up...

My boys keep growing.  We will be celebrating Jacob's 8th birthday this week!  Jacob is in 2nd grade and loves sports and video games...or doing just about anything with his daddy.  It makes me proud how well he does in school, both in academics and behavior.  But at home it can be quite different...

Every new stage with Jacob is both exciting and a little bit scary since he is the oldest.  (By the time I get to Brady I feel like a pro!)  I'm learning that as a child grows up, discipline needs to change.  The puzzle is figuring out how.  A book I'm reading made a point that the goal of discipline should not be to merely control behavior, but to look deeper and shape the child's heart...the place where the behavior comes from.  I'm a little overwhelmed with that responsibility!  But I'm thankful I don't have to do it alone. 

We have used "grounding" as a punishment for a while now.  Sometimes I think it's effective, and other times I'm not sure because I keep seeing the same attitudes reappear.  Recently I heard of a new discipline technique that I'm going to test out.  The basic idea is to assign sentences.  The child is grounded until the assignment is completed, giving them control of the length of their punishment.  So if a child talks back, you could assign him "I will not talk back to my mother" 25 times....which can increase if he complains about the assignment.  But my idea is to assign Scripture that relates to the bad behavior or attitude.  As the child writes, he will be memorizing God's Word at the same time.  For example, Ephesians 4:29 which says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." I need to do some searching and come up with a list of Scriptures that would be appropriate. 

And so I ask for input.  Have you ever tried anything like this with your children?  Do you think it would cultivate a love and respect for God's Word, or have the opposite effect?  And are there any specific Scriptures you have as suggestions?