Part of me wants connection with other women. I want to be known and to enter into relationships where we can learn from and encourage one another. I think it's an important part of a life of faith...having someone to speak truth into your life and remind you that you are not alone. Being able to learn from those who are more mature, and also help lift up those who are struggling. More than just simple conversations - I want friends who can stop pretending to have it all together and can simply come as they are.
The other part of me is content to just settle in at home and focus on my family. It's comfortable here. I have my books and podcasts to keep my head on straight. I don't have to risk rejection, deal with drama, or trust anyone with my "stuff". For an introvert, it's a safe place.
I switch between these two extremes often. Sometimes I'll get in the mood to connect with others and will make plans, but then when the time comes I'm not so enthusiastic about the idea. I've led women's groups both in person and online. They are great for a time, but then attendance plummets and so does my self-confidence. So it's been easier to just not reach out.
Yesterday morning, my head was filled with all sorts of ideas. I was going to find some women who were in the same boat as me (I mean, I can't be the only one, right?) and be intentional about getting together twice a month and sharing our lives. Different names were coming to mind, some people I know well, and others I've just met. I was going to reach out and it would be great! By yesterday evening I had talked myself out of it. And then I read this...
"Fear will present an option that keeps you protected and safe instead of inviting you into the risky unknowns of God's will"- Priscilla Shirer
Ugh. Seriously? Why didn't I just watch TV instead of reading a book that would convict me? But here I am...called to obedience without knowing the outcome. Time to jump!
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