Those kicking and screaming death-throes moments when you realize you aren't and you can't are God's opportunities to show you He is and He can - Marcia Moston
I need more of those moments. With the exception of leading a small group, my life is pretty comfortable. I love having my days free to work at my own pace and bury myself in books. But at the same time I find myself longing for more adventure...more of a challenge.
One thing that has been mentioned to me several times over the past 6 months is substitute teaching. While the schedule is ideal, I dismissed the idea quickly. You see, while everyone is saying "You'll be great at it!" inside I know that it won't come naturally to me. I'm a planner...not someone who is comfortable with change and spontaneity. I'm not a natural with kids. I fear being in a situation where I don't know what to do or say. What if I fail? And (now this is really bad...) what if they don't like me?
I kept hearing about the need and began wanting to help. What finally occurred to me is that I don't need to do it perfectly. I am not going to do everything as well as a full-time teacher would do it. I won't do it as smoothly as someone who has experience subbing. I don't have to be someone else...I can just be me and that's ok. Where I am weak, God can show off. (I'm counting on it!)
My questions began to change to: What if I am missing out on something because I'm too scared to try? What if I forfeit this opportunity to see God working through me? What if I can bring a smile or a kind word to some children who don't get that love at home? What if I can make a difference?
I feel a bit nervous, but also excited. I'm going to need God to show up in a big way. The application has been turned in. My license is being processed. Let the adventure begin!