Insecurity

It's been quite a while since I've taken the time to read a book, but thanks to my vacation I got to finish a really good one. I knew I had some issues, but I never realized before that they mainly stem from the same source...insecurity. In Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity, there were some struggles described that I've never had, and others that described me so well it was scary. If you are a woman, put this book on your must-read list.

I thought I would share a bit of insight that has been helpful to me. Beth writes "Any time insecurity hits, you can be sure that you are afraid of something. The question is, what?...You have to look beyond the obvious to see the wind driving the wave." What are we afraid of? Failure? Rejection? Being abandoned? I've been asking myself "If what I'm afraid of DOES happen, will it really matter?" Sometimes the answer is no. This happened to me just yesterday. I put in my Called to Belong CD hoping to do some practicing for the choir and I couldn't hear my part. We had just had practice the night before, but without a voice singing in my ear I was lost. Back comes the insecurity, making me want to drop the whole thing. I'm surrounded by members of our worship team who sing beautifully. I fear embarrassment. What if I am off pitch and no one says anything? What if I don't have the talent required? What if...? But then I thought, does it really matter? Will God be any less pleased? No. Will my friends think less of me? Not if they're my friends. If picking out harmony never comes easily to me, I will be ok. If I sing so badly that I get kicked off the choir, I will still be ok. I refuse to let my insecurity and fears keep me from giving this a try. Hebrews 10: 35-36 states "Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised".

Sometimes our insecurities and fears are much more serious, such as losing a loved one. I've envisioned many more "What if..." scenarios than I can count. What Beth points out is that the real issue is in trusting God. Do we trust Him no matter what? If our worst fears are realized, do we still trust Him to walk with us through the valley and work all things together for our good? May it be said of you and I: [She] will have no fear of bad news; [her] heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. [Her] heart is secure, [she] will have no fear; in the end [she] will look in triumph on [her] foes - Psalm 112:7-8

Lessons Learned from My Flowerbed

Our front landscaping is nearly complete. It feels good to step back and see the result of all our hard work. We have depended on the knowledge and advice of many friends and were even given some starter plants. And this would not have been possible without the dedication and labor of my wonderful husband. Many thanks to everyone who has helped.











I have learned a few things during this process of creating our flowerbeds.


1. Plants look much smaller once you plant them than they do at the greenhouse.


2. Do not order plants bareroot unless you are prepared to wait a while to see something that resembles what you ordered.



3. The beauty of the flowerbed is not only what you see initially, but what you imagine it will look like. I know the potential each plant has to grow and bloom. I have planted in faith of what will come. So now I need to nurture them to maturity and watch what will happen. It's kind of like raising kids. My joy comes from the present, but also hope for the future and what it will bring.

4. All things of beauty take effort to maintain. It didn't take long for weeds to rear their ugly heads. Now I will need to learn to recognize the plants from the weeds, especially in the spring when I hear they can look very similar.


5. Working outside and rainfall must be connected somehow...


6. Solar landscaping lights and children are not very compatible! Super glue and duct tape are good to have on hand.


7. Landscaping is addicting. We already have future projects in mind. I never knew I would enjoy it so much!


So now we wait, and water, and weed. Waiting on things to grow and blossom and spread. Appreciating all the beautiful variations of plants and flowers that God has created.